Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
