go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel great
I just peed on a car
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
