My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
