if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize