It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
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Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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