dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
