you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
