I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
