He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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