i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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