u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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