Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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