for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
