I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
