How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
