Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
