My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
