I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he shaved USA in his pubs
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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