I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
