I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
