let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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