Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
