yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
