I'm lost and stupid without you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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