I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
