why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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