Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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