dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
