i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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