ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
