it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
