Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
