he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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