I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
