I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
