The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
