Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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