The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
