sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
