wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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