so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I cut my penus on the lid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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