Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
