So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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