i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
