Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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