You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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