he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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