there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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