wanna go halves on a baby?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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