Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
