PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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