the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
