Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
