dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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