apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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