I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
a search helicopter?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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