Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
