So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I could fuck to npr.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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