There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
