This is not my ceiling
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
