video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
