My liver just broke up with me...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
