I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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