so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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