and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
