I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
