Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
