you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
