guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
try to milk me bitch
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