proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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