He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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