I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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