You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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