I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
