You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
