Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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